Sleep proves elusive in these last days. She’s been gone before, my daughter, my middle child, full of sunshine and happiness who bring us stories no one else will ever capture. And since she’s been home these last nine months, I’ve grown used to having a daughter back. At least a little. And my youngest child, a boy, hasn’t enjoyed her stealing his thunder. But all that will change on Friday evening.
And since sleep is around the corner, three days from now, I decided to finally dust and wash my china. See it? It’s nothing special. Not Lenox. But it’s from my grandmother and these were her good pieces…her good china, and they fell into my hands. I like this china more than anything I could buy for myself now, because it carries on something elusive too. I think my grandmother (and mother) to be fair, recognized me as all grown up and ready for china when I was a thirty-something. I married young. And this china reminds me that I’m all grown up. I have several sets of dishes and glasses and my sunshine is going off to set up her house, her home, with her own love.
Of course I want this fair headed beauty to be happy. She found her prince. And in three days the one who laughs in the wind, will go away forever. I’m rushing and getting ready and there’s so much to do. She’s anxious and wants the day to be here now, but the build up to that evening under the stars (or rain, it might rain) when the two of them solemnly vow to stay together in good and bad, forsaking all others, going hand in hand into their life, the build up is necessary. Needed.
Together tonight we sat on the kitchen counter, ate sorbet (everyone in this family is trying to diet and I’m tiring of plain popcorn and sorbet) and spoke of marriage. My sunshine daughter is ready. I pick up the veils…yes we bought two…and the dress tomorrow, and I’m preparing to watch that princess moment when suddenly, inexorably, everything changes. She is already keeping things from me. Things she shares with her own love. It must be so. She also has no china. Regular plates from a local store. They are starting out with nothing. My love and I did that too. The wedding is only three days away now…. I tell myself, if I cry tonight, then I won’t that night. I want to laugh with this summery girl who changed…and didn’t. Maybe I’ll wash the crystal glasses now. I’m awake. I’m watching over my girl while I still can. I’ll let go. She must. I have to…